25 Ways to Better Sex
(Page 2 of 6)
May/June 2007
By Karta Purkh Singh Khalsa
2.The Key? Science Says It’s a Good Relationship
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The good news is that making love three times a week can make you look 10 years younger, claims David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Great Britain. In his study, a vigorous sex life was the second most important determinant of how young a person looked, behind only physical activity in keeping aging at bay.
But casual sex doesn’t count. Sex with different partners did not slow the aging process in the study. The sex doesn’t work without a good relationship, the researchers say. What works is a relationship that is very supportive and empathetic, in which both people are physically and emotionally compatible.
3. Look on the Bright Side
Sex can be a lot better when couples stay on each other’s good side. In contented marriages, couples speak at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative comments, according to research conducted by marriage expert John Gottman, Ph.D., of the University of Washington. Making a conscious effort to keep up this ratio of supportive chat (“We laugh a lot,” in place of “We never have fun”) creates a rich climate of positivity.
4. Stay in the Moment
It seems pretty obvious that men and women are different, but often we don’t act like we remember it. They say the first step to success in life is to show up. But especially for women, that’s just the first step. To have satisfying sex, your awareness needs to be in your body, not spinning in circles with responsibilities or anxieties about work or the kids. To lose yourself in the act of love, you need to be present mentally and emotionally, too.
Consider some quick tips for clearing the mental desktop and remembering to be in your body: go for a walk together first, take a bath together, stay in bed a bit longer to be close and talk, start with a mutual massage and look in each other’s eyes when you talk.
5. You Get What You Wish For
Talk with your partner about what you want. Discussing your hopes for a better sexual relationship heightens the libido. One hang-up buster is the “Wishing Bowl.” Sitting together, write out a list of sexual things you’ve wanted to try. Discuss each wish and put it in the bowl. (It takes humor, honesty and a positive attitude.) Make regular dates to take a wish out of the bowl and act on it. Even if you don’t actually have a chandelier, just talking about swinging from it might build anticipation and emotional closeness.
6. Cool It
The body ages and dries in proportion to the metabolic rate. “Hot” activities, such as anger, age and dry the body more rapidly. Any practice that will calm the body, mind and metabolism will delay loss of healthy tissue tone and lubrication. To have better sex, shun becoming angry. Meditate, avoid conflict, and avoid drugs and alcohol. Trauma, grief, mental stress, physically draining work and hunger don’t help, either.
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